sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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