Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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