He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
