somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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