I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
