I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize