recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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