This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my poor anus
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
