i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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