oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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