ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
