I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
