why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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