I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
