Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
