he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
