my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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