And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
