Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
