haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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