Hippo gnu deer
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
