I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
