Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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