If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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