I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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