..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
