She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
