Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
