i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
