I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
