Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
