At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize