I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
