he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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