WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
