Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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