She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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