I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
