Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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