Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
