my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
