I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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