Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
