drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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