Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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