FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
