She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
