the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
