I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
