I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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