New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
