I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
