when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
