Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
