Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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