I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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