Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
