3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
