The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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