this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize