If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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