Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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