Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
