Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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