dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
