I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
