Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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