He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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