Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
