In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
