I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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