Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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