I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
