I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She bit a glass in half.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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