Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
