I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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