I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
