and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
