I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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